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Two Years and Counting

Two Years and Counting

A lot can happen in two years. A lot of bad things. A lot of bad things can happen in one year, or 6 months (as those of us living in 2020 know). But today I don’t want to talk about bad things. Today I want to talk about how much good can also happen in two years.

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Peeing in the Dark

Peeing in the Dark

  I’ve been having panic attacks recently.  Full-on vomiting, hyper ventilating, wailing in the street panic attacks.  The acute trigger most recently has been school uncertainty.  My town, which I love, cannot get its act together to decide if and when my kids can go to school.  And it’s like I’m stuck on this horrible roller-coaster ride that I can’t get off of.  They made a decision and then they talked about reversing the decision and then they voted not to reverse it but now they’ve started a petition to re-vote to see if people changed their minds.  Meanwhile school is supposed to start in 2 weeks, I have no alternative child-care lined up because I have no idea what our schedule is going to be, my kids are becoming more and more wild as we head into fall, and both my husband...

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Head First

Head First

Guest PostI have always worn a bikini.  Wearing a bikini always made me feel like I wasn’t a short square person.   When I was in middle school and all my friends were taller than me, somehow, I thought showing my stomach would make me look taller and leaner.  Fast forward many years and two kids I would still always rock my bikinis. When my family would travel to the ocean, lake or pool I never could fully participate… I was constantly holding on to pieces of my suit.  My kids would always push for me to jump in, go off the slide, but instead I sat on the edge watching and missing out on the fun.I was recently at store with my 7-year-old daughter who picked out a one piece and said “mom, this would look great on you”.  I cringed at the white flowered swimsuit and purchased it without...

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No Looking Back

No Looking Back

I have sat down to write this blog post at least half a dozen times.  I have so many words in my head, but I can’t seem to get any of them out fully formed.  I feel like I am treading water.  Stuck in a place where I am alive but not living.  A place where it is hard to talk and breathe at the same time.  There is this moment after a trauma.  This moment when you realize that your life can never be the same.  It’s the realization that no matter how badly you want things to stay the way they were, they can’t.  Because something has happened that has drastically changed your world and it can’t be undone.  No amount of wishing or denying or grieving can put things back to the way they were before. And part of this moment is also the realization that things are going to be really hard for a...

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Why Now?

Why Now?

  This site started coming together more than 5 months ago. I took my time setting it up. I wasn’t sure it was a path I wanted to go down. I questioned myself and my motives. I thought, what if no one looks at it? What if everyone looks at it but no one likes it? What if someone finds out that it is my site? The site was nearly complete by the beginning of February. But again, I hesitated. I was too busy. School vacation would be here soon, and both my husband and I had big work deadlines. The timing wasn’t right.  And then the pandemic came. And suddenly my whole sphere of being changed. Everyone’s spheres of being changed. And overnight there seemed no longer to be space for mental health issues, or trauma, or triggers. But my trauma-baggage didn’t go away with the arrival of...

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